Narcissistic father enabling mother reddit. In private I could do nothing perfect enough.

Narcissistic father enabling mother reddit Not at all. You must protect it. So enabling fathers often harbor a fear of abandonment, divorce, being alone in their old age, etc. My father just had a stroke over the weekend and my mother I totally get what you mean. My family (narcissistic father, enabling mother, and me, their daughter) used to live on the east coast, but when I moved to California for work a few years ago, my father stalked me here. In my case, it was my father who was the drunken, narcissistic, rage-and-workaholic getting into daily drunken screaming matches with my mother, calling her an inventive array of insults strong enough to humiliate a well-read sailor, which I began trying to mediate once I was old enough to get the general idea that what was going on was severely fucked up -- so around 5 My mother “disowned” me for wanting to see Jurassic Park. Please share your stories, your questions, your histories, your fears and your triumphs. Working together in a family business. We’re now in court fighting for a huge amount of money he stole and assets from my parents over the past 12 years. It wasn’t until my narcissistic mother died and his whole world came crashing down. It took me a little while to accept this, as I was reluctant to blame anyone but myself. Narcissism When a Narcissistic Parent Goes Too Far Here's how to handle their stalking, threats, and flying monkey "emissaries. She’s a narcissist and a sadist with Schizoaffective Disorder. I myself know this by experience as a scapegoat have learn in recent years my mom is a covert / spiritual narcissist 🎭. My father don't usually hurt women and he was promised to not to do that again. Now I realize that he was a covert narc. He had called me a “Shitty father” after he had just gotten done yelling at my 7 year old non-verbal autistic kid who just wanted to play video games. I’m going through some rough stuff. So I accommodated her , becoming for her what she needed me to be , not who I authentically was . My mother keeps ties with my sister to have access to her grandson . I have read around the Internet and it seems like the standard treatment is mindfulness. 😂My grandfather would’ve not liked him one bit, but I went along with everyone keeping the secret and FAKE “everything is great act on. They talk about the different flavors of narcissistic mother's and fathers. My dad was also an enabler/covert narcissist, but I didn't even realize it until my 30s. I'm not 100% sure if she's a "true" narcissist, or is just very heavily FLEAS-ridden, or both, but what little I know and deduce about her shows a very emotionally (and perhaps physically?) abusive childhood at the hands of a narcissistic father (and possibly enabling mother). Low contact since 2007, probably 2008 or 2009 when I went no contact. Is this a normal Narcissistic Father and Enabling Mother family? I have a family of 4, mother, father, me and my brother. He also poisoned my relationship with my mother. She asked him if he had brushed his teeth and he told her he had. I had to go strict NC with my Dad but I’m close with my enabling Mother, and making my Mother understand mentioning him at all would end our interaction/outing, she pushed it all the time. “The enabling mother or father of a narcissistic parent is also personality disordered, and in fact, a secondary abuser, because they keep their child in an absolute torture chamber. Enabling fathers “Just do what your mother wants. My mother helped my father tell off my husband, but also tried to hold my father back as he began to lunge at my husband closer and closer. So, her mother does something mean and instead of the father telling the mother to apologize and to call the daughter he wants the daughter to call the mother and just to get over it and be okay with the verbal abuse. My mother put me trough some usual narcissistic hell I'm already kind of used to, stalking and threatening included. A narcissistic mother and enabling father paired together is a toxic combination that allows further control and damage to children. He sees me as the source of our family’s problems. In only the biological sense, but there's nothing more than that. I let them take me out for my birthday and he was huffing and puffing when the reservation fell through, and when I wanted to door dash he insulted my financial situation saying that I "don't have it like that". In private I could do nothing perfect enough. I have stories that deserve their own post they are so absurd. So a year ago, I cut my abusive, narcissistic mother and enabling father off. He talked smack about my mother to me, told me how he hated her. I don’t know. I also pity my father, because even though he is a narc, he has great financial problems, a career filled with constant instability, and his own mother’s rejection and sibling rivalry alienating him from his own immediate family. He worked long hours in steel factories, so I saw him very little but almost all the time we did have together was positive, playing baseball, working in his garden, etc. I don't associate I'm sorry you had to experience this and I am in a similar position to you as well. Was the one I lived under. He got much worse to me after my mother died. Childhood: was very unstable with father going through financial difficulties and lot of emotional outbursts at home. As long as it help other people, it doesn't really matter I guess. I had given him only one 🤔I have never heard that statement before but it sums them up so perfectly. Any man who has sired a child is a father, but only a man who raises and supports his child is a dad. Get app I live with my narcissistic father and enabling mother. She'd have gotten much worse than banned from the wedding if I came home to find my kid LITERALLY BLEEDING because of her striking him. I'm making plans to get out. Did you have a narcissistic mother and an enabler father growing up? If so, here are some reasons for your father's compliance. I was the oldest (and scapegoat) daughter and I think the abuse I suffered is very unique to I have a narcissistic father, hands down, text book nDad. And what did my former wife do? DEFENDED her mother. I refuse to carry my mothers issues and project them onto my child. They are just enabling an abuser now like they did then. We discuss the ideas and life of Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung (pronounced YOONG), and all things Jungian. I looked at my husband and told him to get his shoes on so we could leave for a bit until my father calmed down. my father never said a kind word to me. I focused on studies and In some ways I think they are worse. So in this space, "narcissist" is a term used loosely to refer to a variety of conditions, and is not As a child of a narcissist parent, it can be all the more devastating to witness the other parent behaving in an enabling fashion. His mother may have found him to be in too high of spirits and decided he needed However, the narcissistic parent would not be able to engage in abusive and/or dysfunctional behavior for so many years without the constant enabling and validation from the non-narcissistic parent. I wish I woulda left so many years ago and lived my life. Some of the dangerous behaviors that narcissistic parents practice have been identified by researchers and include the following: They Manipulate a Child’s Self and Development I (32F) was raised along with my brother by an alcoholic and narcissistic father and a mother who enabled him. And Enabling Father is one who panders to the Narcissistic Mother, who facilitates her abuse of the children, who worships completely at her altar and expects the children to do so too. Yes, my younger brother the middle child, but also my younger sister the “baby. In hindsight there were tons of red flags but I largely ignored them because his abuse was so quiet and Obviously narcissistic parents are directly causing the abuse, but enabler parents have the ability to remove their children from an abusive situation. Maybe that explains the gaping, ever-expanding void in my heart. I focused on studies and was a very quiet child. Yes. No physical abuse. This describes my father exactly. It was from the bank. My golden child sister also sees me as “the problem. I wouldn't blame you going totally NC Posted by u/Thaddeus_Elliott - 12 votes and 6 comments 18 votes, 22 comments. He was one of the nicest people I ever met, and was always kind to me and our kids. He got out of jail months later this was before they broke up and got a divorce. I think school bullies often energetically pick up on our wounding set up by our family of origin. Because my mother had such a strangle hold on my father, she stole $5k from me and saddled me with debt. Trying to ground in the present TW - Domestic violence Long story short my mother had an awful childhood with her father. Not only do I see my mother in a more realistic way, but I also see my entire family system for what it was. It feels like she is minimizing sons/daughters of narcissistic fathers. But she seem to believe that N mothers have is a special case that needs more focus, than that of fathers. For years, I was only angry about the way Nfather acted. I put up with my older brother narcissistic abuse for 10+ years. It's all in the title, really. Significant others and friends are all welcome. Enablers don't give a fuck about Terry* had a narcissistic mother and ‘enabler’ parent as a father. I wish I had another family. Although now I understand her position in the family dynamic the reality now is that , after my fathers death , my mother is dominated by the needs of my narcissistic sister. What is it with eDads and using the phrase “your mama”?! I never referred to my mother as Mama, but he always referred to nMom as “your mama”. -comes downstairs to find my father darting back and forth across the room looking for something, I can definitely say I speak also from my own experience raised by a Narc father and enabling mother at around 8 years old I wanted to kill myself, even set up a noose from robe on the bannister one day. " Posted May 27, 2021 | Reviewed by Davia Sills My father would have been SO EMBARRASSED if I got his father in law, that he knew was A REAL MAN involved. Everything was about him , my mother put him before her children . It can create painful feelings of betrayal, loss, loneliness, fear, shame and disappointment that Did you have a narcissistic mother and an enabler father growing up? If so, here are some reasons for your father's compliance. I was in a constant state of survival mode up until I was 27 and cut them off. As I come from a narcissistic family, I married very young, and after 15 years me and my husband had a crisis and we split. My narcissistic father made me homeless. They have the ability and the Anyone else have an nParent and then an enabling parent? I just read this link and it explains my mother perfectly. You need to be protective with your peace!! With a codependent mother and narcissistic father, peace is a luxury. Fueled by her personal journey, she pursued a degree in psychology and has dedicated herself to shedding light on the complexities of narcissistic abuse. The only thing I could do was set boundaries, whether that was physically moving There are many ways in which enabling fathers of narcissistic mothers support and encourage the abusive family dynamic. There were complex GC and SG dynamics going on amongst me and my three siblings, depending on which of the narcissistic adults wanted to stir the My narcissistic father ruins yet another one of my birthday dinners My entire life he's been a negative, cantankerous, and antagonizing pile of manure. You’re fighting a losing battle. She's always been telling me that I'm the f*cking problem of everything, while she has never listen to my necessities nor feelings. My father ran because he couldn’t take it anymore. She wouldn't go on vacations with him or spend much time with him. Over the years, my mother would tell me how annoying my father is and express the hope that he would leave our family home. So, when this coworker shared all this intimate and vulnerable conversation with me I felt validated in my hurt I CONSTANTLY see women talk about growing up with a narcissistic mother but almost never see women talk about what happens when you have a narcissistic father. I kept going for walks and listening to it over and over again. 924K subscribers in the raisedbynarcissists community. ” View community ranking In the Top 5% of largest communities on Reddit. One day she was ironing one of his jackets and a letter fell out. If anyone could mitigate the detrimental impact a narcissistic mother has on her children, it would be the father. I (29F) had an emotionally and verbally abusive childhood with a dad who I recently have realized (with the help of my therapist) has traits of narcissistic and/ or borderline personality disorder. Most of my memories of childhood are depressing and painful. Two years ago I wouldn't have said that. Last year I got myself £5,000 in debt to pay for the legal fees so my mum could finally leave So when a mother is not that, it’s a norm violation, and much less socially acceptable and much more noticeable, which is why much of the online discourse about narcissistic parents is about mothers - people find it a lot more jarring when a woman is narcissistic. I grew up with an abusive narcissistic mother and I have in no contact with her for a couple of years. My mom is a narcissist and my father is an enabler. Also, during get togethers (in which he forces me and my sister and mother to attend; we're not allowed to refuse unless we have to see a doctor or go to work) he humiliates me in front of his narcissistic, sociopathic, or narcissist-enabling family members, to which my sisters defends as them "just joking" (even though my dad and his Its insane how much I can relate! My mother is an NPD martyr mom. How she was stupid and crazy. My father followed my husband to the door, continuing to scream in his face and spit on him. Instead of standing up for his children or addressing his partner's harmful actions, the enabling father often chooses to turn a blind eye, or might even participate in the manipulation tactics. Not to mentioned, my enabling dad re-married after leaving my mom and excluded me from mostly everything, telling me that he "had his life to live". My mum is extremely narcissistic and I hate her for it. He went from a narcissistic mother (my grandmother), to a very narcissistic wife (my mother), and he just keeps on playing the hero. He would never get a job, never would watch me or my brother. I refer to my father as my NDad because it's shorter, although dads are not the same as fathers. Expand user menu Open settings menu. My narcissistic mother recruited my enabling father to her side. I just want to know if it’s worth to keep fighting for our father and daughter relationship, my mother is a narcissist and I have cut the contact with her already, makes me sad to think about both my parents being narcissists. After awhile my father realized what he has done and he very feel bad about it. We live in the same house for now. My mother has been no contact with her narcissistic father for 40 years and now he’s dying. I left the house when I was 17 junior in high school . After my mother died, my father quickly started dating the woman he was likely cheating on my dying mother with (rumor and suspicious behavior have it). My codependent mother needs to know I’m in her life so that she’s less depressive than normal. He does not see me with any clarity. However he was quick to put my siblings and I against each other and gaslight me. The things that she did to my siblings and I have cost us our health, sanity, body parts and in one case, my brother’s life. I will not be made to feel that I'm responsible for her inadequacies. “ I have a narcissistic father and a codependent enabling mother. With Narc Dads at least you can figure them out Feeling guilty for setting boundaries with my narcissistic father and enabling mother, simply because they do not have any awareness or understanding around mental health. The earliest memories I have of life are horrible, though I am Enabling mother, narcissistic father, with a side order of narcissistic grandmother (maternal) and enabling grandfather (maternal) all under one roof. The failure of the parent to support the child when in desperate need of release from the narcissistic situation, suggests that the enabling parent’s needs mean more to the parent, than the needs of the child. I went travelling for a month, whist still living with them & on return found they'd given my clothes to a charity shop (again clothes I'd bought from my earnings). If your living with your narcissistic mother, there’s always be abuse constantly : lack of respect when it comes to boundaries , she will never value your worth even if you do love her she will never appreciate the love. My father was also npd and he and my enabling mother were toxic so I thought he just wanted to protect the family we had created together. After awhile my father called the cops on my Narc mother, and he end up got himself arrested. I really appreciate this post. Or perhaps he does not worship as much as fears her; but the result is the same: he is her sidekick, making sure that she is kept happy no matter the cost to his children. It was amazing. But the man who is married to the woman who gave birth to me is as much my father as the woman who had me is my mother. My parents had this "good cop bad cop" thing going on and I've been struggling trying to understand my enabler father. So my mother had to do everything, on Top of her full time job. My brother is an idiot who literally believes that she can do no wrong and that it is selfish to go against her. I realized the truth in my twenties that my father was also, at best, a person with serious narc traits. My Narcissistic mother & enabling father would let my brother help himself to my music CDs I'd bought myself with my paperound money, he wouldn't give them back. Carla Corelli, a writer, advocate, and survivor of narcissistic abuse, draws from her own upbringing with a narcissistic father to shed light on psychological trauma. Men, especially fathers, are not expected to be any of these characteristics. But it's not what the post is about. r/NarcissisticMothers A chip A close button. Posted by u/hannah1284 - 2 votes and 1 comment I’m a son of a narcissistic mother and an enabling father. In public he was the dotting father. His mother may have found him to be in too high of spirits and decided he needed to be knocked down. My dad died a long time ago, but my mother just 6 years ago, just before I got divorced. While he was working those long hours and after his eventual death, I was left with my mother. ” “Don’t poke the bear. We like to discuss symbols, myths, dreams, culture, alchemy, and Jung's unique contributions to psychology such as archetypes, personality types, dream analysis, the collective unconscious, and synchronicity. She will react (yup, react bc they are never proactive with anything) in VERY unhealthy ways. Anyone else here a survivor of narcissistic abuse and a narcissist themselves? You might say that I am not narcissistic because I recognize it - but I have spent enough of my life in self-examination to finally get to the point where I can see it for what it is. Any suggestions? I've been trying self-compassion lately, but how can I apply it dealing with a narcissistic parent? My father and stepmother HATED my mother and vice versa. She's not "acting out" because she doesn't feel included--she's a narcissistic asshole throwing tantrums because she doesn't get what she wants. I’m 46F and grew up with a narcissistic father and my mother who enables him. I don’t know if this is helpful to you. I said what I said. My suggestion is to move as soon as you can. Absurd, stupid, ridiculous instances of my father screaming, berating, taunting, and ridiculing me over what I could never figure out. A symptom of narcissist abuse, right? My experience is less abusive than some of the posts I've read here. Two years ago on my birthday I sent my mother flowers on a whim, I just gave birth and it was so damn hard I just felt like doing this to show my appreciation so when she got them she called me and thanked me, then she said that she is happy with the way I am and I grew exactly the way she wanted me to be, which reduced me to a sobbing mess for the whole day. Unfortunately he was a very weak person, both physically and mentally, so the narcs got away with a lot. Similarly I'm mother to a young son as well and the drama and trauma stops w/ me. I wouldn't budge on this. I see, well that's good. I love my father but I’m still pissed at him for leaving me with my mother. He gets to be the hero to my mother, and screw everyone else. All family members are expected to put the mother’s needs above their own. My father has always shown classic narcissistic traits - he was emotionally neglectful and constantly compared me to my "more successful" sisters, making it clear I The OP isn't saying that her father is a narcissist. Log In / Sign Up; Advertise on Reddit; Shop Collectible Avatars; My aunt telling me to “grow up” and break NC with my narcissistic mother and I came to the same realization last night after fist fighting with my father. Told me I could just go find my father when I was done because she wasn’t dealing with it. Apart from spasming with the general trauma, I too have been adrift. This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or Open menu Open navigation Go to Reddit Home. I’ve still never seen it. Because my father despised my mother so deeply, the worst thing he ever said about me was how much I was like her. When I learned more about how narcissistic families work, I began to feel dissapointed by what my father DIDN'T do when I lived with them. This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or abusive personality traits, which may be exhibited by those who suffer from cluster B personality disorders). Ugh, the enabling was terrible. He never stood up for me. I actually fantasize about being able to go back in time and not allow her to push me around as much as she did because that only enabled her to abuse me more. Later, my mother remarried to another enabling but also very narcissistic man. My father died when I was 9. She sabotaged me so many times by promising emotional help in order to get me to act in a way that saved face for her, or made her feel like a good mother, and then when my father inevitably refused she just held her hands up like “oh well, what can you do” meanwhile I was left with the consequences of doing After a childhood filled with both physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic father and an enabling mother, I am with my first Get app Get the Reddit app Log In Log in to Reddit. That same year I met a dude online who was interested in me, but from that day my mother became crazy with jealosy. They truly believe they I (32F) was raised along with my brother by an alcoholic father and a mother who enabled him. The roles they give their children, describe what a narcissistic mother sometimes does with a male golden child vs female and what each of those situations can look like. Fighting the hard tide, but fundamentally adrift. ” Basically, our narcissistic mother triangulates both of them against me whenever she is upset. My father-in-law enabled my narcissistic psychopath mother and their two youngest children, who have turned out worse than she is. The stalking intensified before his health declined at the end of last year, and my father ended up showing up at my house a couple of times after I explicitly told him not to. And I was NOT to go NC with her NMom because 'you don't cut her off no matter how bad she is, you just need to put up with her'. Me and my father used to be soulmates, until my mother became very jealous of me and she started to trash me. They have done everything they can to destroy me. I always saw my mother as the primary abuser and am now starting to understand that my father is just more subtle than my mother. It took a while to accept that about them. I want to know your experiences. And would never lift a finger to help with the house work. Fathers are generally expected to defend their children. Looking back, I wish I knew what I know now. Same went for As my codependent mother get older she get much worst. Narc father, enabler mom. I had to go NC with her by leaving my marriage. “The enabling mother or father of a narcissistic parent is also personality Because narcissists rarely seek care, few of our parents have a formal diagnosis. She even said her NMom had 'earned the RIGHT to be waited on by living to be 90'. I’ve been no contact sinceI dunno exactly. Authoritarian father and codependent mother sounds like about the most common pattern out there. You are gonna downvote me for this one but I don't care. But growing up, I also had a very severely nSister who goes beyond narcissism and into some realms of anti-social (I think, I am just going based off of my therapist's opinion, who also says she can't give a genuine diagnosis without meeting them). . I’d always known a lot of stuff wasn’t right. You have to walk away. My mother demanded loyalty to her and we were not allowed to talk about loving or In any scenario with a narcissistic mother and enabling father, things are made abundantly clear right from the beginning that the mother is the only one who matters. Terry* had a narcissistic mother and ‘enabler’ parent as a father. It wasn't until I moved out that I This is more or less exactly the same situation I'm in with my mom. But as I been going to therapy, I have been more and more aware of the ways that my mom just pretends like everything is fine and caters to his every whim. ” “It’s just how she is. I had a narcissistic mother and an enabling father. I told her red. Treating it like narcissistic fathers isn't a thing. So you can 145 votes, 61 comments. I've been in therapy for several months to deal with depression and anxiety, which, in part, is related to a narcissistic father. I have definitely come to hate my enabler mother more than my father. I have been raised by an narcissistic father and enabling mother, and to this day I still feel the weight of their toxicity on my daily life. I had to be very strong but even the inconvenience of her behaviour in exchange for an otherwise toxic free life going NC, was well worth the slight inconveniencing of the BS from my enabling parent. When he was 4 years old, he came out to say goodnight to both parents. She is saying that her father enables her narcissist mother to be a narcissist. I'm 22(M) and have lived with my narcissistic father, enabling mother, and older siblings my whole life. There is a distinct difference between a father and a dad. My father lived in another state and I was 8. I have memories of my dad. as most of you know when you’re being raised by an narcissist, who is abusing you, you tend But when I was younger he never admitted his wrongs and never apologized. On the other hand, an enabling father plays a crucial role in perpetuating the narcissistic mother's behavior. I remember clearly one time as a child, my mother asked me what my favourite colour is. I am constantly a scapegoat. ropwdu aqynzh spwdfvb fsxxvvu rzqz gapm gdxorg ngiyf kitfu dfvst